Another Surgery

¿|¡""~{LOST TIME IS NEVER FOUND AGAIN}~""¡|¿¤


ptch.,.!...


Have to accept the way which life goes.,but I refused two times in case of__

And I think I loose my hopeful tiny last chance also((

Wat's in here in the heart' how cunning and waste i'm!?_(

I'm weeping right now. None can console me' No One on the earth., anyhow I managed to go to bed, but the deep sorrow of heart did'nt let me. To just console myself 've gone through this blogging right now(2011 april 10.,. 01:43 am)

What i've lost can never be gained or found forever. If there's nothing about THAT subject in my heart, why should my heart go thru these topics these many times? There's something about THAT subject live in my heart which i've failed to expose and also keep on burrying right from it's birth. What's it? The feeling or whateve that words can't define,people can't understand. Onlyy hearts can'.

If there's nothing about THAT in my heart, why do I cry right now? Why do I right about IT in my personal blog? Why do I eagerly wait and search for the updates? Why do I have that in my personal mobile?Why am I proud of That amongst my pals?

None can fill the space IT left in my heart. IT thought that IT'd understood me fully,but who the hell on earth can understand the Inner Feelings and what happens inside the heart? IT'd just believed my words huh how sweet is THAT! But what i've done is much bittery to IT.


I'm just awaiting the right age and time to come and in plans to pour off myself infront of IT but very very early IT'd just not poured itself but Bursted it's inner core. I'm just un-prepared at that instance and still.Need a good settlement in life.

HERE I'M GONNA REVEAL THE DEVIL Inside ME''

It belongs to the time when I haven't entered into my teens so far. Coming to know the world around me. Defining everything and making promises.

As I belong to a Very traditional Godly family., i'm just then using to understand the good and evil., i've heard many live testimonies before i've turned 11. about how The Almighty had changed the lives of very very sinful mankind.

""While listening to one of those testimonies the Devil had had his mark on me., i'd decided at that instance to do as many sins as I can, as many a man can do' and took a strong Promise to Turn to God only after doing the sins my soul,heart and body can do wholly.""

That promise had had a large impact on my life right from that instant to till now., that promise had pulled my back to accept the saviour Jesus Christ into my life.(in all those millions of chances i'm offered to)
That one promise is prompting to do any type of sin on earth and forcing heartily to do so. The pre-mature promise had such an impact in my life--

Whenever I get ready to turn to God' that sinful promise is dragging my back with very hard and strong chains.

Still i've thoughts flowing in my mind of repentance., but that Promise is footing me into an endless bottom-unfound pit(The Hell)



In keeping this promise i've ignored all the good happenings in my life., and THAT SUBJECT is one among them.,

It's the Lucipher who is controlling me and the Almighty is protecting me. But I donno what this handley is doing in between those two??!

I've(Mr.Lucipher) had kept that promise still now and going to keep it forever. I donno when and how i'm gonna change and turn to God., actualy. waiting hardly for that moment to happen in me. The right time.


I'd 've said all these to THAT(IT) but thought that IT may leave me due to these evil thoughts inside me but had hope that IT might understand me one day., and also strongly believed that IT'll also wait for my change'.

But IT'd dropped right at the begining of entering into ME.

IT doesn't know even a nano sized matter of all these things'. It'd left me:-(:-(:'(:'(:'(before knowing wat's in my Heart' before knowing wat i'm' before seeing the depth of my heart.

I remember the words OF THAT., HANDLEY YOU CAN'T GET ALL THESE WHEN THE TIME YOU NEED ACTUALY,DON'T IGNORE IT NOW BECAUSE THIS TIME MAY NEVER COME TO YOU,

how COME I explain IT all these things to such a sweet and pure-heart at that instant??

It'd thought that I don't need IT right at that time, and i've said so. But my heart needs THAT wholly right before IT'S bursting out .

The Promise had done all these things to Handley's . MR.LUCIPHER had.



lost lost., i've lost the second precious gift of Lord. The first one is his Love to forgive me, which can be accepted aat any instant before I die. But the second gift is the one(IT) whose gonna share my whole life,which I can't ever find or get back once rejected.

I've rejected IT and i'd lost It forever.,X(:'(

Lost CHANCE is never GAINED.



//~__I hate it when my phone rings,
and your name doesn't show.

I hate it when I hear our song.
It kills me long and slow.

I hate the way you still smile at me,
even though she's at your side.

I hate the nights i'm all alone,
and all the times I cried.

I hate the way you say my name,
or just the way you look.
I hate the way I know you.


How I can read you like a book.
I hate the way I don't hate you,
because I still love you so.
I hate the way you'll never see,
and the way you'll never know.


True love never dies as we see in our
eyes,
only when we let go that we can truly
say goodbye.


Real loss only occurs when you lose
something
that you love more than yourself.


How can I forget you when you are
always on my mind?

How can I not want you when you are
all I want inside?

How can I let you go when I can't see
us apart?

How can I not love you when you
control my heart?

"A lost love is never lost unless
what's lost is the love for your lover."


Without you there is no love.

Without you there is no me.

Without you there is nothing.


So I'm asking, baby, please don't
leave.


The sky has lost it's color,
the sun has turned to grey,
at least that's how it feels to me,
whenever you're away.

Love is short, but forgetting is long.
You'll never understand why I hurt so
much
because you're not the one who is
crying,
you're not the one who is left behind,
you're not the one who loved too
much,
and you're not the one who is holding
on to someone who is gone...
You don't have to let it slip away but
you want to,
I don't want to let it slip away but I
have to.


Love is hard to get, but harder to let
go__~//

Once again_/

haa., it's disturbing my thoughts again and again., ohh wat should I do now??


Experienced all the sins(not crimes) except adultery., and now may be the time turn to God., which i've been waiting from my 4th standard. The Almighty Has given me thousands and thousands of chances to turn to Him., but what's pulling me back I donno:-(

And wat about this girl__? She's coming again in to my thoughts and everything., shall I invite her back.? Will she understand me? Omg it's more than a fantacy.!!

Why she's such a good person and why should I avoid her?
¤ Is it that she's not Rich?
_but she's pretty clever at studies and can settle in life surely.,and me ? Am I rich.,?_a middle class
Am I good at my job?_been betraying all those having trust in me and very bad at my basic job to study

¤Is it that she's not white?
_but she looks much pretty. Who needs the colour of skin., she's very good at heart and purely loves me a lot.then wat's the matter with me., ? wat is that pulling my back?__donno
And me-? I'm just a red, in process of becoming black. And having a daffa nose, thread-like body(ohffff). Of all a dirty skin with pimples and their holes.

Wat a pig shit is this??

Why am I analysing??

Because she's coming in to my thoughts? Didn't I had a good company with her?
Didn't I talk to her all the nyt,early in the mrng,very very late in the nyt. Haven't I impressed her by my Words and attitude?
How come i'm changed like this., i'm very good and pure in the beginning but wat happened as I grow up? Does I suit the way in which my parents had brought me up and absolutely No., a very bad person I am

I know that only God can forget my all and all?? But wat's the matter with those people?
If at all I regret everything and come back asking for pardon of the people, will they understand me? will they forgive me? or I surely need their forgiving. surely not above all The Almighty gonna take care of me.

But wat's the case with this girl., if I turn back to her., will she accept me? Will she pardon me? Will she understand me?

but why am I thinking about her_________?>?

The most drowsy day(feb 15-'11)

Yep today I woke up so lately that i've missed my first bus to colz and so went to colz by 10 instead of 8'o clock.,


And again I stepped outta colz gate by 10:30 and that's how me and bujji came outta it and we both went to lalpuram.,


Spent a very good time with seeing movies. And again as I turned to room., we room-mates started playing cards. Which ended up by 7 pm.


And then i'd slept and woke up just now, trying hard to sleep again- thus. This nyt turned to be an drowsy nyt and you know wat time it is now.?it's just 11pm and i've already got my dose of taking rest


And now venkat and me again started playing cards.. Hoo I got my timepass:-);-):-o:-D:-*

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Valentine's day-'11

Hmm from the title, you expect a little romantic or tragedic but the topic is about my learning the cards game.,



Ha ha ha


Shocked!!!?)


Yes, it's true. Today i've learned how to play the cards. And had a very good time in the evng.

And now the time is you know 2:27am of 15th feb and till now my eyes were struggling hard to think about taking rest but I fail very harshly in getting sleep.
Huh! I won't say that it'd been a wonderful day but i'm very happy of this particular Today .,

Alekhya's marriage

Hmm it's on 12 feb .11 . We frndz enjoyed a lot. Also i've met a lotta my old frnz . And my colz mates bhanu, bony,sravan,sami,vivek,pravin,abhi attended the marriage. We had a very great time. My heart says i'm satisfied. -cause i've met my gf's also. dil kush. And also we've spend a lotta time lu the dancing stage. nallam Had a made a great fun. ALEKHYA's. bro. Sai manikanta also danced on the stage. I dream onof it. My frndz each had their own darling. 's I just wanna laugh at them. Wanna warn them. But as.it says. The one who knows everything stay calm and quite and does his work. And so I just pity them. They'll realise at rsome time. Until then I just wanna enjoy their life. Never think that i'd a bad experience with love, but I just j bored of it. This earthly love never lasts long,, I need a longlasting love. And I just deserve it. Huh ok gotta go to church,.


It's just a small picturing of my mind. I've the same opinion of charan in orange movie. Also 'm just mad like ram gopal verma. Strong at heart and it's materials. A very religious man. Just wanna live mah life different from all the world

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